You Mightn't Understand Judo If... #1

Recently, I found a judo website, www.judoinfo.com, that has extensive postings and resources, and I generally liked what I could find on there. However, there were a few contributions that caught my attention for the wrong reason, so I will correct them here and work through them one by one. In this instance, there are a handful of points that are made and they are actually correct, but there are unfortunately some that are not. Here is the initial list for the piece "You Might Be A Judoka If..." written by Neil Ohlenkamp:

1. You think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people.
   If you don't know how your partner is going to fall or experience the throw, then it can make the throwing experience awkward. I have worked with a number of newbies lately and they freak out when they're given the chance to throw me because they're still learning to overcome the fear of falling for themselves. Oddly, that equate to them being concerned for me.
2. You see someone taking a bad fall off his bike, and the first word that pops into your head is "ippon!"
   Small accident with minimal-no harm, maybe. Anything else, where is your humanity?
3. Every time you see a big open space you have to restrain yourself from doing ukemi for no apparent reason.
   This one has some element of truth. Once the fear of falling is beaten, it becomes a fun game of throwing yourself over open spaces and performing the most beautiful forward-rolling breakfalls possible. It is good practice.
4. When you see some big guy walking down the street you plan how to throw him on his back and then armlock him.
   An alert judoka will have a method for defending themselves against any person of any dimension. Picking on a 'big guy' simply because they're the ones that seem most likely to attack or because it would bring about the most impressive result is a bit vain.
   Also, since when is 'armlock' a verb?
5. You secretely wish that some untrained, unarmed, and unaccompanied robber would come and attempt to rob you.
   Where do I start? First, no modest and intelligent person would want a stranger to attack them in the street merely for the amusement of exercising martial arts training on them. That is not what we learn in the dojo. If someone is learning that, they have a dumb sensei, no excuses.
   If a person does in fact wish a stranger would attack them, they are hoping for someone without knowledge, which may suggest they have no faith in their ability or the skills that have been taught to them. This brings them into serious questioning about their martial arts discipline in general.
   Finally, any crime is not worth being hoped for just for the sake of a performance. Remember to pick up your common sense at your next lesson.
6. Your girlfriend thinks you're a freak because you have callouses on the back of your fingers from doing judo grips.
   No judoka I know gets callouses from doing judo grips. That may be exaggerating the amount of practice, but even the biggest judo junkies I know never get close. Tatami (or mat) burn would be more appropriate.
7. You instinctively bridge and roll whenever you wake up from a nightmare.
   A possibility. I haven't experienced it, but I do ask why ebi (shrimping- an escape technique for ground work) is left out.
8. You're teaching your kid to ride a bike and start off with ukemi drills!
   All children, whether judoka or not, should learn ukemi at home and/or at school. I completely agree that it would be very helpful for learning to ride a bike.
   For some reason, falling has become a negative thing and kids are encouraged not to do it. If they do, it is automatically associated with injury and negativity, hence why many people hurt themselves when they fall. If everyone was taught safe ways to fall (ukemi), falling would lose the bad stigma and there would be far less injuries. It's inevitable that we will fall over from a misplacement of balance, so why stop something that has already started and won't stop? Make it better.
9. You get into bed with a forward roll.
   That would be great, if my bed was positioned in such a way that I could do that.
10. A shirtless attacker becomes your worst nightmare.
    This is as disgraceful as #5. Any dojo that doesn't teach the 'street' equivalent or that doesn't incorporate some amount of self defense into the lesson is a dojo with sensei who don't do judo. Not true judo. Many, if not all, of the throws can be modified slightly so that with or without a gi, a judoka can successfully throw any opponent.
    Judo is renowned for being a defense-oriented martial art, for being a method of most efficiently using the body that allows a physical confrontation to be subdued with a few swift movements. "He who fears loss has already been beaten"- Jigoro Kano. Our founder would not be pleased with this point.
11. You choose your dates by how well they look in a Judogi.
    This is an interesting point, to say the least. I'm aware my response will say a good deal about my character. I will highlight that this is something of a vain trait, but I find that anyone can look good in a judogi. No body type will look bad in one, even if that was an issue of concern. When training with a fellow judoka, I know that I spend more time concentrating on my techniques and what the other person is doing, not how they look.
12. You spend more time on top of your friends than your girlfriend.
    I'm not sure how to approach this one. Quite frankly, if your friends don't mind having the occasional improvised judo lesson, it's not a problem. And given the innuendo, I think it is a much better use of time, and far more beneficial.
13. You say "you should see this new technique I learned" and all of a sudden you're the only one in the room.
    I'm fortunate that most of my friends have had some martial arts training, or they have an interest. Approaching from the view where someone doesn't have friends who are martial arts enthusiasts, it is a bad sign if your history with informing them of new techniques results in them avoiding you, especially with judo. Judo is "the principle of the gentle art" and the discipline that a judoka should be learning from it should result in a modest explanation that is not harmful.
14. You keep having this dream about your mother-in-law reversing your best choke.
    No judoka should have just one best move. That is limiting, and there are ways of getting out of most, if not all, techniques. Granted there are some moves that will have a 'point of no return', but a good judoka will be ready to make adjustments before that point.
15. Your dog shakes hands with everyone but you.
    This is a repeat of #13. I won't waste space and words.
16. When you are sawing wood or hammering nails you consider it uchikomi.
    I can see why these basic actions are considered 'repeated skill practice', but if I'm honest, they are a very weak form.
17. You can take your child to practice because you're in the same class.
    It is great when more than one person in a family can come to judo lessons as it gives them someone to work with outside of lessons, and the understanding within a group or household is increased.

From these annotations, hopefully I have demonstrated why some (maybe even, unfortunately, many) mistakes are made in these areas. Feldenkrais, student of Kano and black belt holder, predicted the fall of judo and that it would come once it became an Olympic sport. That happened in 1964. Since then, judo has retained most of its initial purpose, but those who have never learned the real concept of judo teach it in terms of the modern world, or the 'no pain, no gain' form. I hope that more people will learn and remember and pass on true judo.